cis-1,2-dimethoxy-3,4,9-tri[1,1-diphenylethyl]cycloundecane
That nonsense in the title of this post isn't just gibberish, really. It's the name of some organic compound, and a relatively simple one at that. It isn't important which one, just that you catch a glimpse of this highly structured and colossally complex universe of understanding (and misunderstanding) we call organic chemistry. Welcome to a place where there is a reason for everything anyone has ever witnessed, and just about everything imaginable makes sense to somebody. The catch? Well, when you're thinking about everything, there's a lot you need to keep in mind just to scratch the surface of what's actually worth examining. There are layers of rules so densely packed that trying to navigate them is like swimming through cooling jello. Must keep moving! Can't stop! Will get stuck! Urrgh!!!
There are rules, and then there are rules. Sometimes they are laws, and sometimes they are theories. The difference? Laws are less interesting? No matter. Laws, theories, principles, etc. They're all rules. There are rules why electrons behave like electrons. Rules why certain compounds are purple, others are green, and others are colorless. Or why some things are transparent and some are opaque, or why some things smell and other things don't. There are rules that explain why the sky is blue (this is more in the realm of physics but anybody who tries to tell you that chemistry isn't physics is very likely a politician or a lawyer). There are rules that describe how quantum mechanics explains why we will never know anything for certain. And now, observe how we are approaching philosophy. See those fuzzy edges? They are all over the place. If you're not careful you might walk right through one and fall into some other discipline! So now you have not only that cooling jello to swim through, but wormholes and logic traps to deal with as well. Yikes!
I am lucky I have a good built-in visualization system. My attention span may be lacking but at least I can imagine why an Iodine atom has an easier time than a Fluorine atom when executing a back-side attack on a halogenated Carbon atom–it's bigger and fuzzier, of course. This is helpful knowledge when dealing with substitution reactions. But wait a minute. What is this nonsense about atoms "attacking?" Am I going to see a bad TV series on Fox News about this frightening new development in the ongoing war on terror? I can almost hear the made-for-TV voice proclaiming later that evening... "Stay tuned for When atoms attack, part 19!"
Atoms don't really "attack" one another! And what the hell does "fuzzy" mean when you're talking about something less than 1/1,000,000,000 of a millimeter in diameter?! No wonder nobody understands this stuff! It requires the assembly of an entirely new thought process capable of constructing accurate images of things no one has ever or will ever see, using only the highly arcane and non-intuitive (though very logical) sets of rules discussed above. On top of this challenge, there are literally an infinite number of possibilities to deal with, which means that every rule has to be understood in terms of every single other rule. It's like learning a language, but instead of describing life as perceived by you or I, this language talks about the underpinnings of the most fantastically complex system that has ever existed, and it describes every process, every particle, every little wiggle of every little atom, absolutely everything, in excruciating detail. Does your brain hurt yet?
This is what I spend my Monday and Wednesday nights, and every other Saturday, contemplating. Funny thing is, I haven't lost my mind yet. Actually, I kind of like it. Maybe I am an intellectual masochist. Sounds like potential for a support group, but that could get ugly. Can you imagine?
So if you like it when your brain hurts, and you think a career or hobby mixing shit up, boiling it, freezing it, filtering it, etc., thereby creating absolutely anything and finally explaining the process in excruciating detail might be for you, then consider organic chemistry. Or, if you want to spend billions of dollars in grant money doing things that should be impossible, consider physical chemistry. Oh, did I mention that psychedelic drugs are a popular pasttime of organic chemists? I think it's because they are the only people on the planet with the means and knowledge to synthesize the crazy shit they like to take, but any good chemist will tell you that every reaction goes in both directions simultaneously. Curiouser and curiouser...
Just do yourself a favor and don't sign up for an all-day lab on Saturday. Trust me. There's strong support group potential there, too.
There are rules, and then there are rules. Sometimes they are laws, and sometimes they are theories. The difference? Laws are less interesting? No matter. Laws, theories, principles, etc. They're all rules. There are rules why electrons behave like electrons. Rules why certain compounds are purple, others are green, and others are colorless. Or why some things are transparent and some are opaque, or why some things smell and other things don't. There are rules that explain why the sky is blue (this is more in the realm of physics but anybody who tries to tell you that chemistry isn't physics is very likely a politician or a lawyer). There are rules that describe how quantum mechanics explains why we will never know anything for certain. And now, observe how we are approaching philosophy. See those fuzzy edges? They are all over the place. If you're not careful you might walk right through one and fall into some other discipline! So now you have not only that cooling jello to swim through, but wormholes and logic traps to deal with as well. Yikes!
I am lucky I have a good built-in visualization system. My attention span may be lacking but at least I can imagine why an Iodine atom has an easier time than a Fluorine atom when executing a back-side attack on a halogenated Carbon atom–it's bigger and fuzzier, of course. This is helpful knowledge when dealing with substitution reactions. But wait a minute. What is this nonsense about atoms "attacking?" Am I going to see a bad TV series on Fox News about this frightening new development in the ongoing war on terror? I can almost hear the made-for-TV voice proclaiming later that evening... "Stay tuned for When atoms attack, part 19!"
Atoms don't really "attack" one another! And what the hell does "fuzzy" mean when you're talking about something less than 1/1,000,000,000 of a millimeter in diameter?! No wonder nobody understands this stuff! It requires the assembly of an entirely new thought process capable of constructing accurate images of things no one has ever or will ever see, using only the highly arcane and non-intuitive (though very logical) sets of rules discussed above. On top of this challenge, there are literally an infinite number of possibilities to deal with, which means that every rule has to be understood in terms of every single other rule. It's like learning a language, but instead of describing life as perceived by you or I, this language talks about the underpinnings of the most fantastically complex system that has ever existed, and it describes every process, every particle, every little wiggle of every little atom, absolutely everything, in excruciating detail. Does your brain hurt yet?
This is what I spend my Monday and Wednesday nights, and every other Saturday, contemplating. Funny thing is, I haven't lost my mind yet. Actually, I kind of like it. Maybe I am an intellectual masochist. Sounds like potential for a support group, but that could get ugly. Can you imagine?
"Hello, my name is Cody and I am an intellectual masochist. My pain of choice is optimistic nihilism, but organic chemistry is just as good."Hmm.
"Hi Cody"
So if you like it when your brain hurts, and you think a career or hobby mixing shit up, boiling it, freezing it, filtering it, etc., thereby creating absolutely anything and finally explaining the process in excruciating detail might be for you, then consider organic chemistry. Or, if you want to spend billions of dollars in grant money doing things that should be impossible, consider physical chemistry. Oh, did I mention that psychedelic drugs are a popular pasttime of organic chemists? I think it's because they are the only people on the planet with the means and knowledge to synthesize the crazy shit they like to take, but any good chemist will tell you that every reaction goes in both directions simultaneously. Curiouser and curiouser...
Just do yourself a favor and don't sign up for an all-day lab on Saturday. Trust me. There's strong support group potential there, too.
posted by cody @ 9:47 PM
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